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kid I felt like something was building up inside me and I needed
it to be
released. (This was long before I knew what sex was all
actually provoke my dad until he'd give me a "licking."
It hurt and
I cried a lot but later on I'd do it again.
I still do it now. I have a sexual interest in it also but
getting a whipping sex is the furthest thing from my mind.
time was only about 8 weeks ago and I couldn't wait to get away
the guy that was beating me. It was rather harsh but real.
time I take a whipping I think to myself that it's the last time.
Then I feel the need to go and do it again.
I don't know if this is exactly the same feeling as what you're
describing. If we're sort of on the same page let me know.
to chat some more.
once every month or so I would intentionally do something to cause
my mom to spank me. I didn't understand why I did it, but I knew
when I was doing it. I completely hated the spankings, which she
gave with a belt... but after the pain went away I felt like I had
been completely 'cleaned' off all sin and guilt and could feel
raised from age 13 through college by a strict step dad and
grandpa who believed in embarrassing bare bottom spankings for me
and my two step brothers and step sister. I was always very shy
and never wanted to be spanked at that time - but always loved
hearing my step brothers or sister get it.
Later I still wanted an authority
figure dad or grandpa to take charge now and then when I needed it
- - - and have mentored and spanked a number of younger guys.
second and third stages of development deal with the conflict
between shame or humiliation and becoming autonomous and
independent. He says we internalize both our desire to be free, as
well as society's rules. Thus, what you describe is someone
basically saying I have done things wrong (whether omission.
commission, acts, thoughts, feelings anything that you have
internalized as disapproved by society). And therefore
punishment seems appropriate. Oddly enough, it may
also be mixed with a desire to control what was in childhood not
controlled. In fact, it may be that things in childhood were
notably out of control and wild. Finally,
for many kids (and adults) any attention is better than no
attention, and so a life-long desire for attention may be
focused on spanking, because nothing gets everyone's
attention like someone being spanked. One way to test this
area would be to see how the desire is affected by imagining
different audiences watching the spanking, or different
people doing the spanking. Experiment and see the results
for better understanding.
RM - (Psychology Teacher)
known many boys who, like you, use the word "need." The
youngest boy to explain his feelings to me in this area was 15 and
they have been of all ages and all cultures worldwide. Almost all
have said they do not like it when the spanking is taking place
and many speak of their feelings of fear and even horror when Dad
brings out the paddle but all have shared that common feeling of
relief and satisfaction when the spanking is over and they are in
dad's arms. I hope you don't think you are that unusual.
I am a STR8 guy in my 40's that
needs frequent OTK & other forms of spankings.
I have given this much
thought and have sought counseling but M-M Spankings [while much
more common than I would have ever thought possible 18 mo. ago]
are not well known about in our society.
Since about 5th grade I
knew that I was never going to get the fathering from my bio.
dad that I so desperately needed. He whipped me very
frequently with his belt, and too hard that I wore bruises to
school often. What I needed, he didn't seem to be
capable of giving me. He was 37 when I was born. I
needed physical hugs, emotional warmth, and misbehaviors to be
forgiven and the actions/behaviors forgotten, not constantly
being criticized. My father held many grudges towards his
family and people in the community so he treated me in that
respect, no differently than others.
I'm a professional,
Christian male and I had desired what I just described all of my
life. [I am a father myself and made sure that I met my
son's emotional needs the best that I could, and listened to
what he needed. He is now grown.] I, just over
a year ago received my first spanking from a 'dad'.
I live in a rural area and receiving takes a lot of contacts and
I often have to travel to receive. Optimally, with a
caring 'dad', I need spanking like every 7-10 days, though more
realistically I probably receive every 6-7 weeks.
The age of the dad doesn't matter as I have needed one as soon
as a few hours after receiving one. I have a couple
of 'dads' that I travel to, and spend long weekends and receive
several scolding, spankings, hugs and the acceptance that I have
sought for my whole life. Once I am otk and into the
spanking, I sometimes have thoughts like, "What in the
world am I doing?"; "This really hurts!";
"If I had received this as a kid, would I maybe not need it
now?" I look forward to these encounters and
recently identified that there is an erotic element inside but I
don't want any sexual interchange during a spanking from
the spanker. I wear a jock until I am comfortable w/
While I don't share the same need, I
understand and stand with you. I am both a therapeutic counselor
(psychology) and a long time spanking top. I regularly
discipline a number of "boys" and counsel males age 16
and upward. This apparent "need" is regularly
verbalized to me. I find it completely within the bounds of the
masculine drive that is often dismissed in modern societal
thinking, but which is very real and part of all males.
nice, happy, productive member of society who has no guilt
feelings that I'm aware of. Yet I feel a powerful need to be
spanked, even though spanking hurts and is unpleasant and
(depending on the scenario) sometimes very scary. But then
afterwards I feel blissful for about a week or two, before the
need to be spanked again begins building. For me there's a sexual
connection in that *thinking* about spanking is arousing, but
actually *being* spanked is not arousing at all -- in fact just
the opposite. I was not spanked much or abused as a child... I
assume the need to be spanked is just something that occurs
naturally in some people, though I don't really know for sure.
I read your lines about needing a spanking. Well, I myself was
never spanked, but I always imagined about that. Still today I don't
know what my feelings mean, I want to be controlled,
to be beaten, slapped preferred OTK, bare assed; it is so humiliating
for me, I don't know how I would react, I wish this to happen, but
I am to weak to let it happen. But I think it has to happen, really
hard one day.
I think this is not the kind of answer you wanted , but I had to
tell you these feelings.
I am strict against corporal punishment of children.
I, too, have felt the NEED for a
spanking. I do NOT 'want' to be spanked; nor do I 'like' to be
spanked, nor do I 'enjoy' being spanked, but I NEED to be
Spanked on my bare ass/bottom; over
the knee, and with a hairbrush or strap until my butt cheeks are
dark red, even with a welt or bruise.
The sting/pain must be real for me
to feel a fulfillment.
I am not able to identify with the
guys in the spanking groups/organizations who like to be
spanked, want to be spanked, enjoy being spanked, or for whom it
is erotic or sexual or who use it as a foreplay for sex.
I do not seek cruelty, abuse, or
mistreatment, but just an authentic discipline administered by a caring
man to correct my behavior for things I have actually done.
I do not relate to phony/artificial role-play.
The man who spanks me is not my
daddy or my master or any other incorrect term; he is simply
a man who knows I deserve the spanking and has the strength to
For years my psyche 'ached' without
able to achieve any relief. Spanking myself does not work. Other
guys often ruined the experience for me by falling into their
own erotic-sexual-role-play at some point during the spanking,
or attempted to do something sexual.
I have found that most guys will not
participate with all the 'strings' that I impose on the event.
They feel I am being selfish wanting to do only my exact
'script' or 'scene' (as they view it) with their own needs
I have found that I have felt some
measure of relief in-between getting spanked by self-imposing
two things in my life;
1. I have kept my body shaved
hairless and de-pubed for some years now. For whatever reason
the way this looks and feels fulfils a need to be 'punished' or
to be in submission to other males who have body/crotch hair.
2. I try not to masturbate at all,
as befits a hairless 'boy' (I am in my 50's body-wise but a
'boy' in my headspace). When I do masturbate it is after
struggling not to, then I feel guilty, then I wish a man were
around to spank me for doing it. I know that if lived with
a man who would enforce chastity on me I would be happier. I
think it is great and wonderful for these men to masturbate, but
for me it is wrong since i do not have pubes.
The NEED I have to be spanked may be
similar to yours since it is psychological, not physical. We
hate hate the physical pain when it is occurring, but
psychologically before and after we feel therapeutically healed
of some negativity. I guess the spanking does something to our
brain the same way that electric-shock therapy does.
I'm a couple of months shy of 54,
and I still like to think of myself as the consummate naughty
boy. I'm a classic spanking submissive through and through.
Maybe my mother picked up on that when I was young, and even in
those instances when she and I both knew I deserved to be put
over her knee, she just couldn't bring herself to spank me. Not
even when I was 14, and she found a spanking paperback I'd
forgotten in the bathroom. To my face, she asked me if I felt
I'd "missed out by never getting a bare bottom
spanking." As I melted in a puddle of shame, I was told to
"stop being silly." I'd already begun the habit of
spanking myself by that point, often using the mirrors in my
parents' bedroom to let me admire the sight of my delightfully
smackable backside as I paddled and/or strapped it with whatever
I could find that stung. Bare hand on bare bum was useless. I
wanted my bottom to suffer.
I would sometimes get a clean
washcloth out of the closet and bite down on it as I inflicted
as much pain as possible on my buttocks and upper thighs. The
sting had an amazing hold on me - like a narcotic. As the years
went by, I'd be spanking myself, think that I was done, pull up
my pants - and then realize that I still wanted more. So, pants
down once again, back across the padded footstool or the arm of
the sofa or the pillows piled up on the bed, and more spanks
across my stinging hot, rosy red bum. Of course, the icing on
this very wicked cake of naughty self-indulgence was to use the
same arrangement of mirrors to enhance my arousal, et cetera.
My wife of ten years was the first
person to ever give me an over-the-knee, bare bottom spanking.
I'm not counting my 10-year-old classmate with whom I took turns
one juvenile afternoon making traditional pants-down use of a
ping-pong paddle in his basement. I had to wait until I was 30
before I finally found facedown accommodation across a womanly
knee. We had a lot of fun with my bottom, but I ultimately found
myself longing for harder paddlings than she was comfortable
giving me. Even though nothing ever happened with another woman
(except for the time when I secretly bared my bum for a
'liberated' female friend of ours; she looked, but she wouldn't
spank) beyond an exchange of letters, it still spoke to what I
saw as a limitation of my marriage. After thirteen years
together, my wife said goodbye. I would've preferred that we at
least attempt to reconcile, but she simply wasn't interested.
And so began my experiences with
professional female dominants (and the one time I was ever
spanked by a man, I being desperate and he being cheap). I spent
$2000.00 on one of them within just a couple of months. We even
said we loved each other on the phone. But when the bank finally
pulled the plug on my credit card and all the Monopoly money
stopped pouring out of the ATM, the very special rapport between
this Sharon Stone double and me no longer existed. Everything's
great when you can pay; otherwise, forget it.
The past four or five years, I've
been exclusively visiting a self-described 'maternal
disciplinarian.' All she's ever done is pull down my pants and
spank my bare bottom across her lap on either her couch or her
bed. But the three or four spankings a year have been almost
uniformly sensational. All of those years of sort of ad-libbing
my way through my lust for spanking, and at long last, I'd
connected with the ideal partner for my celebration of
Unfortunately, our domestic routines
no longer mesh. I haven't been spanked since last December. An
old-fashioned, over-the-knee, bare bottom spanking introduces me
to my truest sense of self. My spanking mother's lap is my place
of worship. I can't help feeling chronically incomplete when I
go this long without a bottom warming. Paddling myself gives me
something of the physical experience, but that's all. And yes,
I've got the Internet and different opportunities to write about
spanking, but there's no substitute for the real thing. There
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